Friday, 30 December 2016

Hobby Corner: The Sphincter Beast


Greetings vaqueros! Today we're delving deep into the slimy, gaping horror of the sphincter beast!


"I changed my mind I don't wanna go on this ride now aaaaaaah!"
Long considered a myth amongst the Oldhammer faithful, spoken of only in whispers, it was only in the latter half of 2014 that anyone outside the clandestine inner circle of Rick Priestley's Laserburn Gaming Cult and Benevolent Society* actually managed to see one. And it was... well it was what it was:

"Am I everything you ever wanted? Do you find me beautiful?!"
Image sourced from Eldritch Epistles

The model was designed by Rick Priestley in 25mm and remade in 15mm for Asgard; possibly by Bryan Ansell himself. In Rick's own words he was 'messing about with a bit of spare Milliput,' and boy are we butt-fanatics glad he chose to mess about on this particular concept. Of course this does beg the question as to what exactly the 25mm version looked like, it indeed it still exists...

Yes, you stand back there. Yep. A little more back. A little more. About 10km more.

Now fighting giant sphincters is a proud tradition in a number of fantasy settings, including the Watcher in the Water from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings...

"Blurble-blurgle GET IN ME SMALL MAN!"
The iconic Sarlaac pit from Star Wars...

"Blibble-slurp GET IN ME ARMOURED MAN!"
 And of course everyone's favourite Dungeons and Dragons adversary, the otyugh...
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAY GUUUUUUUUUUUYS!"
So just what IS so fascinating about a giant orifice filled with teeth? Is there something exciting about the threat of getting some, or part, of you swallowed up, bitten off, shredded to bits by some unrelenting gaping chasm? Is there perhaps something empowering about it? Possessing the ultimate sexual power?
I dunno about any of that, I just thought it would be cool to have a giant toothy butthole with a raygun to play games with, and so did my good pal JB Assless, who began sculpting this horror for the Oldhammer Forum Sphincter Beast Challenge!

From  little sphincters, big sphincters grow
JB's original concept was to have the toothy sphincter above as the torso of the creature, with a pink horror upper body and arms placed on top of it - and he went as far as sticking that all together when the project was stymied somewhat by the big reveal of the real sphincter beast. The arse-fiend was shelved by the Asslessman indefinitely, until the day he decided to send it to me...

"Oh gawd I knew I shouldn'ta eaten that there vortex grenade! Oiiii!"
Now I don't claim to be the world's leading expert on sphincter-monsters, but to me, the creature's main focus should be the giant gaping maw part, and the pink horror distracted the eye somewhat from the goody goody goods, so I took it away. I briefly considered keeping the arms, but I really wanted it to hold a raygun, and I had this nice arm with a webbed hand that was just the right size, so I put it on instead, and sculpted the other arm from scratch to match.

Fastest gun in the latrine, that's him.


The gun was a separate accessory piece from Alternate Armies. I sliced the barrel off and turned it around to present more of a cone shape. I don't know what that deadly raygun will shoot, but it will probably be rays of some kind. Deadly ones.

The webbed hand gave me the idea that the sphincter beast was probably aquatic, so I gave him bigger feet so he could swim faster and a re-breather so that he could survive on land. I imagine him darting through the water, opening his cavernous mouth wide and swallowing whole schools of space-fish in one gulp, the rows of inward facing, needle-like teeth making escape all but impossible.

Painting this guy had me stumped for a while. I'd been looking at him in Greenstuff for so long that I kinda thought of him as being green. But green aliens are boring (sorry guys, but you are). I needed something more visceral, something befitting a creature who is more orifice than creature. I went for pinkish and fleshy, because noone likes large lumps of pinkish flesh, do they? The various nostrils, gills and anuses were treated with red glazes, clear red dabbings, greenish ichors - basically anything I thought would cause feelings of revulsion, bordering on hatred for their creator. Did I succeed?

Baby got back. Sort of.



One last detail that I added was a nasty, sticky butt-slug being evacuated from his actualanus. There is ample opportunity for a creature with such blase eating habits to easily swallow parasitic organisms, which, when reaching maturity, would have to be pooped out for the sphincter beast to remain healthy. Nobody likes giant slugs swimming around in their gizzards, nomming all your digestiaries.

"Kerplop muthafuckas!"
Lastly, the original sphincter beast was named a 'Bouncing Vrubee', but that to me doesn't sound right for this particular species. I'm challenging you all out there in Blogland to come up with something more fitting for this grotesque and sticky creation. Chuck them in the comments, and the best one will win a romantic dinner for two with a sphincter beast butt-slug.

And what's next? Well, the galaxy is full of strange xenos, and we owe it to science to document them all...

"No YOU'RE a zoat..."

Adios for now!

*Not a real thing



32 comments:

  1. Life has just found its meaning, a circle has been closed thanks to you and that bromance that keeps on giving.
    After completing this, I feel we could even solve the easter island mistery or something that big.
    You turned a model I didn't know what to do of into a marvel I desire. ^^

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Back to back mec, that's us. Now let's buy some plane tickets to Easter Island and get us some giant head! I mean heads! HEADS!

      Delete
    2. Man you got it made, the both of you....I got stuck with Lazy Lopez. :( LMAO

      Delete
    3. It's not so bad, at least he'll play Sticky Warriors with you whenever you ask

      Delete
    4. That is my only silver lining. LMAO

      Delete
  2. Ugh! Ick! Yuk! I am repulsed and simultaneously attracted to your fang-laden orifice. The anatomy actually seems to make perfect sense to me. And that's worrying.

    I suggest you name the beastie a 'Gaper'. Much love xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mmm a Gaper... yes, yes! That's a good suggestion! The best yet! The... only... yet! :D

      Delete
  3. Holy Shit that is amazeballz! How about Shitty Starburst, Or Fecal Fun-hole! Maybe BUtthole Beserker. SOmething along those lines.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm Butthole Berzerker DOES have a good RING to it.. aha, haha, hahahahahahaaaaa!

      Delete
  4. Awesome, bum-holy stuff, Cap.

    Yours is by far the superior sphincter maw. Loving your work, as always.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks champ, the power of friendship created that thing, let us never underestimate that power... ever! D:

      Delete
  5. Poor Space Sphincter, he's just been driven insane by the lack of success form his Tinder profile. He's taking his rage out on the rest of the universe. Usual awesome stuff Crooksy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't imagine such a handsome fellow struggling to get a date... "giant slathering orifice seeks friendship and more, likes long swims at the beach, filtering space-plankton, devouring whole limbs and appendages..."

      Delete
  6. I'm always a little wary to click the links that you randomly insert into your posts Crooksy :) Their never what they seem...or what they're supposed to be! ACtually, they shouldn't be called "links", a more accurate description of them should be "land mines" :P

    Great sculpt/revision mate! He looks really fucking disgusting!!! You is da man!

    Name for said beast?

    Solid Stool,
    Craven Constipator,
    Feltching Enforcer,
    Suck & Blow,
    Loose Action.

    That's me all outta ideas bud :)

    Top filthy job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I prefer the term 'eyeball mines', because it makes me also think about a mine where people dig for eyeballs. And they are all looking at you while you dig them. Watching. Judging...

      Those names are funny, like some kind of anus-themed super hero :D

      Delete
  7. That gave me several laughs, along with an urge to avoid soy milk.

    The model is fantastically horrible.

    "Wrecktum" might work as a species name.

    "By the great galaxies, it can't be... but it is... it's a WRECKTUM INVASION!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An army of wrecktums might be a bit... on the nose! BAHA! HA! HAAAAAA!

      Delete
  8. Dead Ringer
    Goatse
    Sphincterror

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Goatse has promise... Goatserian... from Goatseron IV... hmmm

      Delete
    2. Goatseron VI. So we can giggle when kiwis say it.

      Delete
    3. Perfect. Right now I'm thinking of a combination, maybe it can be a Goatserian Gaper, the gribbling ass-terror of Goatseron VI

      Delete
  9. Also what the hell are you doing to that poor Dragon-ogre?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't cry for him, he was in bad shape when I found him, missing an arm, missing a foot... soon he'll be reborn as a mighty space hero, better than ever before! Probably.

      Delete
    2. I'm going to allow this.

      Delete
    3. You'd have to come here and stop me. And you may as well bring some minis,we could get a game or two in after we're done fighting to the grim death.

      Delete
  10. You have the most beautiful sphincter I've ever seen.

    Beast. I mean sphincter beast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's okay Mr, they were going to find out about my sphincter sooner or later...

      Delete
  11. This is gross! Brilliantly, brilliantly, gross! :)

    I also vote for it being called a 'Gaper' - a bit like a Gulper Eel, and nothing to do with anyones search history. Obvs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Gaper' was axiom's suggestion, lets all turn and look at him funny.

      Delete
  12. What a magnificent sphincter do you own. The medical examinations must be pure joy. The only possible way to improve it is tying it to an Egyptian fashion, so you could have a Sphinx Sphincter.
    Now, seriously, that's an awesome job, both in sculpting and painting! :O

    ReplyDelete
  13. I imagine on the sphincter's home world there are ancient ruins of a sphincter sphinx, carved from sandstone and emerging from some swamp. A swampy sandstone sphincter sphinx.

    ReplyDelete