Thursday, 21 June 2018

Monopose Skeletons!



Greetings vaqueros. Today I'm going to be talking to you about a serious matter - the Skeleton Agenda.

It's time we addressed the undead elephant in the room. Skeleton numbers are on the rise and our governments are doing nothing about it.



Skeletons don't share our values. They are lazy - lying around all day doing nothing, in housing provided by the government or by the goodwill of religious groups. Skeleton neighbourhoods are downright creepy, I would not want to be walking around there at nighttime. They take jobs that honest, living people could do, such as guarding liche tombs and standing in medical school classrooms, and they do it for much less money too. Possibly no money at all.

Citadel push-fit skeletons with arms from the previous multipart kit



They say that inside all of us, there's a skeleton waiting to come out, but that's just nonsense spouted by the no-longer-bleeding heart skeleton lobby, always trying to push their bony agenda, forcing us to observe their creepy pagan skeleton celebrations like Halloween - it gets to the point where you can't even go down the shops without being bombarded with skeleton related junk. All this talk of skeletons using our bathrooms is rubbish as well - I don't want some skeleton sharing a bathroom with me - skeletons don't even pee!

Dark World skeletons with Citadel shields


When the necromancers send skeletons to our lands, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you (unless you are dead of course). They are sending skeletons that have lots of rusty weapons and they are bringing those rusty weapons with them. They are bringing rust. They are bringing grime. They're rap- okay maybe not that. And some, I assume, are the skeletons of good people. I love skeletons, but they are not our friend, believe me.

Legend of Zagor skeletons with Citadel shields


I know what you're thinking. "That old Crooky Bear," you're saying, "He's just a big ol' skeletonist."
Well answer me this, honestly - would you want your son or daughter to marry a skeleton?

"Till DEATH do ussss part!"

I rest my case.

And what's next? Well the only way to top a cheap plastic skeleton is to paint an even bigger, cheap, plastic skeleton... thing.

"I have a name you know! It's... uhh, darn, worms ate that part of my brain... the remember bit... uhhh..."

Adios for now!

22 comments:

  1. I'm so sick of hearing about this so called "issue". Nobody had skeletons, and often teeth, when I was a child and it never did us any harm.

    (Nice painting on this controversial, odd collection of bone-persons)

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    Replies
    1. When I was a young lad we were all floundering puddles of boneless flesh and we were fine with that!

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  2. The politics of necrophobia are so unproductive. I thought you better than this, Crooky.

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    1. I just don't want to see this country swamped by hordes of skeletons.

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  3. I will write to my local representative straight away! I cannot sit by and watch this infestation grow. We must act fast.

    Let loose the dogs of war! (They love a good bone!)

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    Replies
    1. Dogs may well be the best defence we have! That, and maybe rickets...

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  4. You sicken me. You're happy enough to use skeleton culture when it suits you, but how many skeleton friends or neighbours do you have? Eh?

    Your day will come. We- I mean they will be right under your feet. Walls are useless!

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    Replies
    1. The only 'culture' skeletons have is the kind you find in haunted yoghurt.

      Delete
  5. I'm a skeleton, and so is my wife!

    Lovely work :)

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    Replies
    1. With your 2.5 skeleton children and a white picket fence. Also a skeleton. Somehow.

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  6. I'm really saddened by what i'm reading... Skeletons have a heart you know, can't you see it ?
    Most our ancestors are skeletons, it's just not fair to judge them like this. NOT FAIR

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    Replies
    1. Skeleton propaganda! Science has never proven the link between skeletons and humans! You conspiracy nuts need to take a long look at yourselves in the mirror with your eyeballs - eyeballs that no skeleton possesses!

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  7. Over here we have a zero tolerance policy on skeletons. I cant take my SKELETON wife anywhere. (Nice bunch of skellies.)

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    Replies
    1. Sure just go name dropping your SKELETON wife like that somehow makes you a better person :p

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  8. Replies
    1. We grew here, they, erm... calcified... here?

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  9. At last someone has the backbone to take this issue on. Skeletons are truly the enemy within. Nice painting, too!

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    Replies
    1. It takes a lot of spine to stand up for your convictions. And a lot of femur too I suppose...

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  10. I've been reading through the Geneva Conventions and you know what? They say nothing about skeleton warfare. That's right, nothing. They are waging a war for which we are totally unprepared.
    (I love what you did here!)

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    Replies
    1. Don't get me started on Geneva! Their restrictions on magical offense make it almost impossible to battle skeletons! I wouldn't be surprised if they were a bunch of skeletons in disguise, to be perfectly frank!

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  11. I am so excited yo see you Zagor! He's the most paintable figure in the entire set!

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